Caller Number 3

“Gooood morning Chicago! This is WPOS’s Morning Show and you’re listening to Jake and Katie on The Flipside. If you’re just tuning in, we’ve got loads of callers giving us all sorts of stories about the most unique first date they’ve ever had. Got a story? Call to share at 555-4386! Alright, we’ve got Susan on the line right now, Susan, tell us what you’ve got!”

“Hi Jake and Katie, I love your show!”

“Thanks Susan! Tell us about the most unique first date you’ve ever been on, we’re all listening-“

“Ohmygod you’re not going to believe this! So after I broke up with my boyfriend, I was really upset. I mean, I didn’t leave my house for weeks. I didn’t even brush my teeth for like 10 days! I was just like ‘bahh who cares?!’ Finally, one of my coworkers convinced me to go on a blind date with this guy.. I think it was her cousin. Well, I got all dolled up and everything. Actually, I think it was exactly what I needed to get my spirits up. In college, I was a pretty big flirt you know. Anyway, I put on my pearls and heals and everything. I looked great. The guy– I think his name was Creg or something– came by around 7 or so. Lots of personality right off the bat. He said eventually we’d be going to the Oyster Lounge for dinner, but first we should figure out which bar we wanted to go to. He mentioned this new bar downtown that I’d heard of but it didn’t really interest me, so I suggested a different place I just love. Just then, the guy throws a fit! He took offense that I didn’t want to go to his bar, and started making fun of my pearls, saying that I probably wouldn’t fit in at the Oyster Lounge because I was supposed to eat the oysters, not go digging through them looking for treasure. Ugh. Then, and get this, Creg turns the car around no more than 5 minutes into the evening, and took me back home! I was so confused! He was extremely rude while he opened the car door for me- he even bowed as I got out, what the #%$&?!!”

“Woah now Susan, this is radio, we need to watch our language!”

“Right, sorry. Well anyway, the guy drops me off at my house and speeds off. I never heard from the #&&%@*$ again!”

“And we’re gonna have to cut you off, Susan. The FCC has rules. Sorry! But that sucks! I’m imagining the look on your face after he left you at your doorstep right after picking you up! That’s definitely gotta be on of the most unique first dates I’ve ever heard of! Next on the air is Jim. Jim, go ahead.”

“Morning Jake and Katie, I love your show! Alright, look, I got set up on a blind date by my neighbor. You know, I’d never been on a blind date before, and I can’t say that I’ll ever go on one again. I remember my date’s name was Tracy, and that we were supposed to meet at the movie theater to see Cowboys and Aliens. I love that geeky stuff, and I wore my cowboy boots for the occasion. I figured at least they would be a good conversation-starter. Well, I knew Tracy was going to be wearing a black top and jeans, and Tracy knew I was going to have on my cowboy boots. Well, Tracy and I found each other in the lobby. It was a dude. My coworkers thought I was gay, and they set me up with a guy. I mean, come-on!! Look, I have no problem at all if you’re gay, but I’m just not like that. Anyway, the guy seemed nice enough and I already had the tickets, so we ended up seeing the movie anyway. I don’t think I was able to convince him that I was really straight… he kept looking at my boots and rolling his eyes. Dunno what that was about…”

“Well that’s definitely one for the ages! Thanks for your call, Jim! Now we’ve got our last caller- Greg. Greg, tell us about your most unique first date experience!”

“Hi guys! I love your show, thanks for havin’ me on!”

“Good to hear from you, Greg, tell us what you’ve got!”

“Alright, so this was a couple years back, and it’s something of a horror story with a happy ending. Well, I was out in the suburbs visiting some extended family, and one of my cousins comes up to me afterwards–“

“Greg, I hope this isn’t going where I think it’s going…”

“Ha! Nahh, nahh, it’s nothin’ like that! So anyway, my cousin comes up to me and says she works with this young woman who I’d just love! ‘She’s charming, pretty, and real ritzy.. I promise she’ll impress you,’ my cousin says. So I says ‘sure, why not.’ By the end of the weekend, I got in touch with this young woman. We agreed to go out the next Friday. So Friday rolls around, and I drove by her house to pick her up. The first thing I noticed was that she was real dolled up: way too much makeup, pearls… the whole nine yards, really. I don’t think I’d ever seen a girl in pearls before, so it was definitely interesting. The makeup bit though is a turnoff for me. She must'a been wearing a pound of it, I swear! Well, we get into my car and she asked where we were going, and I told her that before dinner, I was all excited to go to this new bar I’d heard about. That's when it all went wrong. The girl asks if we can go to her favorite bar instead. She says she’s been to the new one and that she doesn’t like the kinds of people who go there. She wanted to go to The Gray-Blue Lounge all the way on the other side of the city because the bartender gives her free drinks. She says that she wanted to go somewhere where she could be treated like a princess. That was it. I knew after she said that that she and I weren’t gonna see eye-to-eye, and I decided I wasn’t gonna waste any time on this ‘princess.’ You know what I did?? I turned around and took her home! She was pretty confused when I pretended to be her personal driver.”

“Huh.. Greg, this story sounds a little familiar–“

“I mean, I need a girl who’s down-to-Earth and has a good head on her shoulders. I need an equal, not someone who holds herself above everyone else! I don’t wanna be bending over backwards the whole night trying to pamper someone, am I right?? It just wasn’t gonna happen. No royalty over here babe, I’ll tell ya. So anyway, you know what I did? I went to join my buddies at the sports bar by my apartment. We always go there. Man, lemme tell you what happened next! I met this girl.. her name was Becky. Well, one thing lead to another and Becky came home with me that night!”

“Greg! You went on a date with one woman and ended up having a one-night-stand with a different woman that same night?! This takes the cake by far for the most unique first date!”

“Jake and Katie, lemme tell you somethin’- it wasn’t a one-night-stand, because Becky and me just celebrated our one-year anniversary last week.”